“I want what you gave my friend (boss, partner, sister etc)” is often the answer I am faced with following my question to new clients: “What made you book this appointment with me, and what are you wanting to achieve?”.
Such is the nature of a business built on referrals, but not the nature of how Kinesiology works.
I often smile as I explain one of the Kinesiology principals – ‘Bio Individuality’. This is not a science lesson; it’s a lesson in authenticity. Many people covet what others have, do or be, without stopping to explore and understand ‘who am I?’ What makes me tick? What drives me? What’s truly in my heart soul level? Turn down the volume on society’s conditioning influencing you on what you should want, do, or be. Are these external sources aligned with the voice within?
The point of Bio individuality is no matter how appealing another’s life presents, they’re not you. The nuances and uniqueness of you is the source of your wisdom, your healing, your choices, your journey, your purpose. The more you know and embrace this authentic self, the greater your flow, self-expression and ease with life and the world.
There are several roads into this exploration of self. A practical and simple starting point I encourage with clients is knowing and understanding your values.
Throughout many years as practitioner, facilitator and student, I understand the importance of values. My experience in identifying them has always been a little underwhelming…..”Here’s a list of values - pick your top three (or five)”. I never found this particularly helpful nor reliable. Depending on the day, mood or context, I could select different values. Surely there’s another more accurate process?
There is!! I ‘found’ the solution mid-session with a client. This is not researched, analysed or scientifically proven. It was a simple lightbulb moment in clinic and I’ve used it with exceptional results since.
Here are the basics: Firstly, I distinguish between two types of values:
1. What you value
2. Your core / driving values
When I ask a client “What are your values?” the answer is usually delivered from point 1. Let’s be honest, most of us value love; security; fun; health; education etc but are they your core values? Your core/driving values are those which are a fundamental, integrated part of you. They influence your perspectives, behaviours and beliefs.
My simple formula in deciphering values may seem a little back the front, but it works.
Find examples of times you’ve been upset, angry, confronted etc. Distinguish how it makes you feel e.g. “I feel disrespected”, “I’m angry at the cruelty of another”; “I feel excluded, rejected” etc. Now what’s the opposite of that feeling/experience is e.g. Disrespect = Respect; Cruelty = Kindness; Exclusion = Inclusion. These are your core values.
Consider any time there’s an upset, a value has been thwarted.
We make decisions from them, choose careers based on them, create life perspectives out them, and they create the foundation of your authentic self. How clear and conscious are you to your core values?
Here’s a simple example. I asked a friend what his top three values are. He immediately reeled off ‘Family’; ‘Finances’; ‘Health’. Does he value all of them? Yes, absolutely. However, I knew only two of the three are what I call his ‘core values’. How did I know? ….because his behaviour (authentic self) around each of them tells a slightly different story. He moved interstate to be closer to family (tick); he runs both family finances and two company finances (tick); Prioritising a healthy diet (more vegetables; less sugar and bread) and regular exercise (cross). He values his health, but it’s not a core value. Actions and words are incongruent.
When our behaviours are aligned with who we say we are (our values), there’s a sense of ease. Welcome to ‘authenticity’. When there’s a misalignment between actions and values there’s a niggling uncomfortable sense somewhere deep inside….you guessed it….’inauthenticity’.
Want to explore your authentic self a little more, get to the core of your values? Define these and you’ll probably find you like yourself just a little more than you did before.
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